11 Things to Know at 25(ish)

Some months ago, i had my  birthday celebration with dear friends and some familiar kids in the street of Metro Lipa. And i promised myself that i would post this article (which link i got from my beautiful friend, Olivia dela Rosa) for the sake of those twentysomething people who might find this helpful, too. 

What you need to know to be a real adult.


When you’re 25-ish, you’re old enough to know what kind of music you love, regardless of what your last boyfriend or roommate always used to play. You know how to walk in heels, how to tie a necktie, how to give a good toast at a wedding and how to make something for dinner. You don’t have to think much about skin care, home ownership or your retirement plan. Your life can look a lot of different ways when you’re 25: single, dating, engaged, married. You are working in dream jobs, pay-the-bills jobs and downright horrible jobs. You are young enough to believe that anything is possible, and you are old enough to make that belief a reality.

1. You Have Time to Find a Job You Love

Now is the time to figure out what kind of work you love to do. What are you good at? What makes you feel alive? What do you dream about? You can go back to school now, switch directions entirely. You can work for almost nothing, or live in another country or volunteer long hours for something that moves you. There will be a time when finances and schedules make this a little trickier, so do it now. Try it, apply for it, get up and do it.

When I was 25, I was in my third job in as many years—all in the same area at a church, but the responsibilities were different each time. I was frustrated at the end of the third year because I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do next. I didn’t feel like I’d found my place yet. I met with my boss, who was in his 50s. I told him how anxious I was about finding the one perfect job for me, and quick. He asked me how old I was, and when I told him I was 25, he told me I couldn’t complain to him about finding the right job until I was 32. In his opinion, it takes about 10 years after college to find the right fit, and anyone who finds it earlier than that is just plain lucky. So use every bit of your 10 years: try things, take classes, start over.

 

2. Get Out of Debt and Stay Out of Debt 

Part of being a healthy, mature adult is learning to live within your means all the time, even if that means going without things you think you need, or doing work you don’t love for a while to be responsible financially. The ability to adjust your spending according to your income is a skill that will serve you your whole life. 

There will be times when you have more money than you need. In those seasons, tithe as always, save like crazy, and then let yourself buy fancy shampoo or an iPad or whatever it is you really get a kick out of. When the money’s not rolling in, buy your shampoo from the grocery store and eat eggs instead of steak—a much cheaper way to get protein. If you can get the hang of living within your means all the time—always tithing, never going into debt—you’ll be ahead of the game when life surprises you with bad financial news. 

I know a lot of people who have bright, passionate dreams but who can’t give their lives to those dreams because of the debt they carry. Don’t miss out on a great adventure God calls you to because you’ve been careless about debt.

  
3. Don’t Rush Dating and Marriage

Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And “serious” might mean walking away from a dating relationship that’s good but not great. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you’ll make during this time will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can’t-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you can make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It’s not fair to that person, and it’s not fair to you.

“Who are you dating?” “Do you think he’s the one?” “Have you looked at rings?” It’s easy to be seduced by the romance-dating-marriage narrative. We confer a lot of status and respect on people who are getting married—we buy them presents and consider them as more adult and more responsible. 

But there’s nothing inherently more responsible or more admirable about being married. I’m thankful to be celebrating my 10th wedding anniversary this summer, but at the same time, I have a fair amount of friends whose marriages are ending—friends whose weddings we danced at, whose wedding cake we ate, whose rings we oohed-and-aahed over but that have been taken off fingers a long time ago. 

Some people view marriage as the next step to happiness or grown-up life or some kind of legitimacy, and in their mad desire to be married, they overlook significant issues in the relationship. 

Ask your friends, family members and mentors what they think of the person you’re dating and your relationship. Go through premarital counseling before you are engaged, because, really, engagement is largely about wedding planning, and it’s tough to see the flaws in a relationship clearly when you’re wearing a diamond and you have a deposit on an event space. 

I’m kind of a broken record on this. My younger friends will tell you I say the same things over and over when they talk to me about love, things like, “He seems great—what’s the rush?” and, “Yes, I like her—give it a year.” And they’ve heard this one a million times: “Time is on your side.” Really, it is.

4. Give Your Best to Friends and Family

While twentysomethings can sometimes spend a little too much energy on dating and marriage, they probably spend too little energy on friendships and family. That girl you just met and now text 76 times a day probably won’t be a part of your life in 10 years, but the guys you lived with in college, if you keep investing in them, will be friends for a lifetime. Lots of people move around in their 20s, but even across the distance, make an effort to invest in the friendships that are important to you. Loyalty is no small thing, especially in a season during which so many other things are shifting.

Family is a tricky thing in your 20s—to learn how to be an adult out on your own but to also maintain a healthy relationship with your parents—but those relationships are really, really worth investing in. I have a new vantage point on this now that I’m a parent. When my parents momentarily forget I’m an adult, I remind myself that someday this little boy of ours will drive a car, get a job and buy a home. I know that even then it will be hard not to scrape his hair across his forehead or tell him his eyes are looking sleepy, and I give my parents a break for still seeing me as their little girl every once in a while.

5. Get Some Counseling

Twenty-five is also a great time to get into counseling if you haven’t already, or begin round two of counseling if it’s been a while. You might have just enough space from your parents to start digging around your childhood a little bit. Unravel the knots that keep you from living a healthy, whole life, and do it now, before any more time passes.

Some people believe emotional and psychological issues should be solved through traditional spiritual means—that prayer and pastoral guidance are all that’s necessary when facing issues of mental health. I disagree. We generally trust medical doctors to help us heal from physical ailments. We can and should trust counselors and therapists to help us resolve emotional and psychological issues. Many pastors have no training in counseling, and while they care deeply about what you’re facing, sometimes the best gift they can give you is a referral to a therapist who does have the education to help you. 

Faith and counseling aren’t at odds with one another. Spiritual growth and emotional health are both part of God’s desire for us. Counseling—like time with a mentor, personal scriptural study, a small group experience and outside reading—can help you grow, and can help you connect more deeply with God.

So let your pastor do his or her thing, and let the person who has an advanced degree in mental health help you with yours.
  
6. Seek Out a Mentor

One of the most valuable relationships you can cultivate in your 20s is a mentoring relationship with someone who’s a little older, a little wiser, someone who can be a listening ear and sounding board during a high change season. When I look back on my life from 22 to 26, some of the most significant growth occurred as a direct result of the time I spent with my mentor, Nancy.

The best way to find a mentor is to ask, and then to work with the parameters they give you. If someone does agree to meet with you, let it be on their terms. Nancy and I met on Wednesdays at 7 in the morning. I guarantee that was not my preference. But it was what worked for her life, so once a month I dragged myself out of the house in what felt to me like the dead of night. It also helps to keep it to a limited-time period. It’s a lot to ask of someone to meet once a month until the end of time. But a one-year commitment feels pretty manageable for most people, and you can both decide to sign on for another year or not, depending on the connection you’ve made. 

7. Be a Part of a Church

Twenty-five is the perfect time to get involved in a church you love, no matter how different it is from the one you were a part of growing up. Be patient and prayerful, and decide that you’re going to be a person who grows, who seeks your own faith, who lives with intention. Set your alarm on Sunday mornings, no matter how late you were out on Saturday night. It will be dreadful at first, and then after a few weeks, you’ll find that you like it, that the pattern of it fills up something inside you. 

8. Find a Rhythm for Spiritual Disciplines

Going out into “the real world” after high school or college affects more than just your professional life. Where once you had free time, a flexible schedule and built-in community, now you have one hour for lunch, 10 days max to “skip” work and co-workers who are all over the place in age, stage of life and religion. 

In those first few years of work-life, it’s easy to get too busy, too stressed and too disconnected to keep up spiritual habits you may have built in school. Figuring out how to stay close to God and to grow that relationship through activities and disciplines that complement your new schedule is critical for life now—and those habits will serve you for years to come.

One of the best routines I adopted in my 20s was a monthly solitude day. In addition to my daily prayer time, I found I lived better if once a month I took the time to pray, read, rest and write, to ask myself about the choices I’d made in the past month and to ask for God’s guidance in the month to come. Some of the most important decisions I made in that season of life became clear as a result of that monthly commitment.

9. Volunteer

Give of your time and energy to make the world better in a way that doesn’t benefit you directly. Teach Sunday school, build houses with Habitat for Humanity, serve at a food pantry or clean up beaches on Saturdays.

It’s easy to get caught up in your own big life and big plan in your 20s—you’re building a career, building an identity, building for a future. Find some place in your life where you’re building for a purpose that’s bigger than your own life or plan.

When you’re serving on behalf of a cause you’re passionate about, you’ll also connect in a deep way with the people you’re serving with, and those connections can yield some of your most significant friendships.

When you serve as a volunteer, you can gain experience for future careers. Instead of, for example, quitting your banking job to pursue full-time ministry, volunteer to lead a small group, and see where it goes from there. Use volunteer experiences to learn about causes and fields you’re interested in, and consider using your vacation time to serve globally. 

10. Feed Yourself and the People You Love

If you can master these things, you’re off to a really great start: eggs, soup, a fantastic sandwich or burger, guacamole and some killer cookies. A few hints: The secret to great eggs is really low heat, and the trick to guacamole is lime juice—loads of it. Almost every soup starts the same way: onion, garlic, carrot, celery, stock.

People used to know how to make this list and more, but for all sorts of reasons, sometime in the last 60 or so years, convenience became more important than cooking and people began resorting to fake food (ever had GU?), fast food and frozen food. I literally had to call my mom from my first apartment because I didn’t know if you baked a potato for five minutes or two hours.

The act of feeding oneself is a skill every person can benefit from, and some of the most sacred moments in life happen when we gather around the table. The time we spend around the table, sharing meals and sharing stories, is significant, transforming time.

Learn to cook. Invite new and old friends to dinner. Practice hospitality and generosity. No one cares if they have to sit on lawn furniture, bring their own forks or drink out of a Mayor McCheese glass from 1982. What people want is to be heard and fed and nourished, physically and otherwise—to stop for just a little bit and have someone look them in the eye and listen to their stories and dreams. Make time for the table, and you’ll find it to be more than worth it every time.

11. Don’t Get Stuck

This is the thing: When you hit 28 or 30, everything begins to divide. You can see very clearly two kinds of people. On one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find God and themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults. Then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. They mean to find a church, they mean to develop intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than when they graduated.

Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal. 

Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? What have I learned about God this year? What parts of my childhood faith am I leaving behind, and what parts am I choosing to keep? Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”

Now is your time. Walk closely with people you love, and with people who believe God is good and life is a grand adventure. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. 

Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path. 

From the article http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/features/25956-11-things-to-know-at-25ish?start=1  by Shauna Niequest.

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of Alanis and reality

When i was 10, my brother’s best friend gave me a cassette tape of Alanis’ Jagged Little Pill album (maybe he noticed my obsession to her music especially with Hands in my Pocket and Head over Feet. ) Those were the years when I am so much obsessed with reality. I eat because I am hungry. I do tantrums and tell my mother the very reason why. I stop and wonder at the middle of my hiccups to ask why my tears are colored gray. And she would tell me that it’s because of the dust I had accumulated via over playing outside. I cry and tell dad that I am scared. I laugh because I am being tickled with nice humors. I sleep not because of anything else but because I am sleepy.

Some years after that, i've realized that life isn't just about the "reality" that i had believed, there is more than reality, there is something more that we need to survive reality.  that there are important things that lie between being hungry and eating. that there are reasons why i am not allowed to play outside at dusk. why i cannot have the  very red apple i want.  the acceptance didn't happen overnight, i went through a lot of process. there are a lot of pains and scars, there are a lot of weeping after every stumble. and there, i finally accepted that  i cannot just cry because  some eerie monster scared my ass. i learned that tears won't give me what i'm dying to have. i've learned to cry inside and  dry the tears before dawn and learned to get acquainted with bluish sleepless nights. My sister is right, it is a delectable rocky road, but its more than a rocky road, there are muddy trails and steepy hills  and rabbied dogs ready to gobble me up when i am least ready. and it was during these years that I have learned to appreciate Jose Mari Chan’s captivating music. He introduced to me a sweet way of defending myself from life’s imperfection. of relaxing myself because SOON, everything will be okay. and a very beautiful voice that keeps on reminding me that there exist a smooth road somewhere. and it's there waiting for me and for Dad, for Inay, for Kuya Dong, Kuya Yloy, Ate't, for Ate Vangie, for Ate Grace, for Ate Lea and yes, for Kuya Noel. A road where all of us can exclaim: Hey, at last, at long last.. HERE WE ARE!

i remember my sister in one of our sister kulitan before dozing off to sleep. Ate vangie said that she just realized that she haven't heard a crunchy laugh coming from me for the longest time and that she can no longer imagine how i sound or look like. i thought that that was crazy but maybe i was.

What is this for? Nothing. I just find it so funny that after all these years, nothing has really changed. Good Alanis still haunts me with her sense of reality. it makes me laugh. It still makes me condemn and at the same time save myself. maybe, she is right :♪ i care but i'm restless, i'm here but i'm really gone, i'm wrong and i'm sorry, baby... ♫ i'm free but i'm focused, i'm green but i'm wise, i'm hard but i'm friendly, baby ♪ and most importantly, i'm short but i'm healthy, yeah! ♪ and Jose Mari Chan has always been around to offer me a gentle kiss to escape.

Thank you to the two of you.

And, thank you to Kuya Allan Muños. We haven’t seen each other for years (like 13 years already?) and I will surely not know where to start once I see you but I know we have volumes of things to talk about. Thank you for making me understand the true meaning of friendship. i owe that one to you.

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BEFORE FEBRUARY ENDS.

(written 3 years ago, February, 2007)

And it may take some time to patch me up inside. But i can’t take it so I run away and hide…

Thirty five minutes right after midnight: yes, i am humming my fave line, a thing i love doing inside my most loved place in this entirely scary-funny-amazing planet – (guess where?). The moment i press the doorknob’s lock, i feel that i am separated from the harsh reality of the world outside. i find myself a light year away from my fears. i find peace. it gives me a sense of security to dig the deepest part of my humanity, and the fact that i am not just an ordinary specimen of this material world. it is the place, where i come to fashion my finest craft. i can be a dancer. A rock star. A stage actress being applauded by people who i truly love. i sing like there’s no tomorrow. i create the most impossible. i am extra-ordinary. i am loved. i am a princess. For a moment, i see the dead right ME in the dampened mirror. The only place, where i confess my weaknesses, my elucidation. For i know no one’s gonna see me. No eyes will judge me. Nobody can tell me that i am wrong. Here, i AM ALWAYS RIGHT. i cry. i scream. At times, i would hurt myself with a shampoo container, and no one would dare say that i am out of my sanity. i would wipe each piece of marbled tiles. Make it clean, secure all the dirt’s out until it’s so white again, leaving not a single stain. i would bump my head. Feel its coldness. Whimper like a lost child. Play with the water. Embrace myself, until i am all-dry. Sigh in the deepest grin. Close my eyes for a second and unlock myself back to reality. Smell the air fume that nauseate my nostrils, blow dry my hair; spray some Elizabeth Arden green tea from my sister’s closet. Pretend i am happy, that i am contented. Believe that i know what love is. Start deeming again in to fairytales. i am an angel who lost my wings and is saved by a broomstick. i am a witch. And i hate eating apple. by the way, i am in love with deep violet.

well, actually, i guess that  three years gave bundles of inevitable changes. 
the common question then was: WHO'S DEEP VIOLET?
 the question now is: AM I HAPPY WITH WHAT I AM TODAY?

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LIFE IS MORE COLORFUL THAN A COLOR GAME

‘Just got home from a “walang-sawang-kwentuhan-over-a-cup-of-coffee with Lloyd. Lesson he imparted tonight: BE PRACTICAL WITH YOUR DECISION IN LIFE. Oh, gosh.

Parenthetically, this morning, i was with my officemates, atcheng, sir ian, aiza, sir meynard, and miss rose at Ibaan’s town fiesta. We went to the “peryahan” where different faces roved around: fat people, kids, couples, teens with their babies, old folks, happy-go-lucky personalities, hopefuls looking for a bit of luck, people imploring for a sense of fun, people, just like us, who wants to take a peep of how peryahan works nowadays. But no one can ever know what’s really running in these people’s mind while their feet roamed around the boisterous crowded place.

 Some could be broken inside while trying to find a piece of happiness, or let’s say, escape. Some could be hopeful that the twenty-peso bill in their bony hands will give them a kilo of rice and some canned goods after risking it in the color game. Speaking of color game, I didn’t let the moment pass without me trying it, I even pulled the string once. Red. blue. green. white. pink or yellow.The first try was good, it doubled the money I borrowed from atcheng, but I wasn’t so lucky enough during the second try, and right there, I gave up.

Someone told me that life is all about taking the risk. I know, it’s scary and it will always be since we do not know whether you will win, or lose. That’s why we have to think about it over a million before finally committing to a decision without an exact product. The secret is staying positive and having faith in our decision, and of course, to GOD.

It didn’t work? There is no need to deprive our body of sleep and we don’t have to punish ourselves with endless regrets. What we can do is gather the lessons and learn from those. We will never know if it’s meant for us unless we try.

That is the essence of life, TRYING, and giving that try our very best shot. Life isn't just the six color blocks, it's more than that. though, knowing everything is not really our business, if it’s not a thing for us, it will never happen. If it’s not His will, then He will surely make a different route for us. RISK + FAITH, else it won't work out so good.

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An interview with a WITCH

Describe Gladi's typical day: My day starts at 6:30. I grab my thank you stone and take the shower. I should be in the office before 8 or 9. eat my breakfast, check conrado de quiros blog. work. work. work until 5. I usually eat dinner with friends, or sometimes if i feel like cooking, i do cook at home. by 10, i'm already ready to bed.

What is your daily uniform: It depends on the mood or on what i have to do for that day. But i'm most comfortable with jeans and a polo shirt.

What do you wear on dressy occassion? A dress, or a pair of jeans matched with a nice top, and of course, stilletos!

What is you Shoe/Bag Philosophy? When i was in college, i used to choose fashion over comfort so the higher , the better. But now i only reserve them for dressy occasion , or just keep them as collections. I now go for comfy pair of flats or flip flops. I also love my happy feet, I never get tired wearing 'em. i'm really choosy when it comes to bags. I'm very careful on choosing whichbag goes with an outfit. A nice bag can easily make an outfit while the wrong one will ruin the look in an instant.

Your favorite scent? At daytime, i wear either benetton cold or lacoste (smells so clean), i also like J&J powder mist cologne. During night-out, i love using my escada or amythyst by bvlgari. it feels so elegant. 

Favorite beauty products: Although, i'm not really fond of wearing make-up but i stick with neutrogena beauty products. I love their UV compact and trust their moisturizerand toner. i also use their facial foam.When i feel like putting somethiong pink on my face , i use body shop's cheek and lip tint.

Any beauty tips: Wash your face. Tone up and moisturize. Expoliate once a week. Use sunblock , especially when you're exposing your skin to too much sunlight. Have your hair trimmed once a month, just shampoo your hair everyother day, use conditioner in between. Use clarifying shampoo once a week. Use hair moisturizer , i recommend dove's hair moisturizer (it smells so good) Eat fruits and have plenty of water.

Favorite accessory:My favorite is my vintage jade ring with two stones around it. I feel that its my lucky charm.

Your best bargain: My nine west stilettos which i just bought for half its price!

What was the last thing that you bought? neutrogena lotion.

What are your travel must have: A good book. My red diary (from ava) , a pair of comfy shoes, jacket, atm card, sunglasses( i love the big ones) my beauty products ( half of which i don't really use). med kit.

Favorite item: My folded and hung bag. I can put everything that i'll be needing for the day , and some unnecessary stuff.

What do you do to relax: Head to the beach. I go to the beach thrice a year, A thing that i missed when i was working in a call center.

Favorite food: I love pasta in white sauce and lots of cheese, i also love it in fresh tomatoes. I always crave for seafoods (it's my comfort food)

Most exotic food you've ever tasted: Sizzling balot from Vivo. Now, i really find it too cruel eating such thing, its like i killed the duck!

What do you collect: good books, and shoes.

What are you currently reading: Kaleidoscope, and i'm still reading the secret ( a book given to me by AJ, ).it's a very optimistic book that i find hard to handle. I feel that its the counterpart of my personality, so i always have to make pauses.

You can't live without....: My family. Pens and papers.I'll wither the day manufacturers sans producing these items.

The hardest thing one can ever learn is...: Love. Love, love, LOVE!

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22 things to do before the year ends

1. keep a diary.
2. go to church.
3. never be LATE, again.
4. give time to read the bible and meditate.
5. forget everything about fortune telling and love potions.
6. write a feel good story before the year ends.
7. start SAVING.
8. no more impulsive buying.
9. more time for my FAMILY.
10. discover a new scent.
11. cry once in a while (like nobody's watching. mourn for one day. let go of all the ill feelings).
12. no more PRETENDING. (say the truth . feel free. hate the word PREVARICATION.)
13. clean my inbox.
14. watch a good movie.
15. learn how to budget.
16. write a letter to my long lost good friends.
17. wear a rubber shoes.
18. try a new sport (maybe, tennis?).
19. say SORRY.
20. do something about my teeth ( promise, nomore bugs bunny look!)
21. fall inlove (haha and more laughs).
22. Travel.

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