>> Friday, November 27, 2009

Today, November 27, 2009 is the 88th birthday of my father, FACUNDO EJE Y VALENZUELA. I am already good to be his granddaughter, but I am so gratified of being his youngest. Fifteen rushing minutes before 12MN: and all I can utter to myself is an endless, "I miss you, dad" between my sobbing thought.
I have so much to say. I have so much inside.

You know the feeling when you’re so much waiting for something and suddenly you realized that you just missed the last bus going home. Erase. I do not think I explained it well. I am bad with explanation, always.

P.S. dad, I am culpable of my gibberish stuff. No, they are not really my priorities. God knows. But I am complied to do those. I am sorry.

let me repost this entry from my multiply account:

"Some fish are sad. And some fish are glad. And some are very very bad. Why are they sad and bad? I do not know. Go ask your Dad!" - Dr. Seuss.

But dad is no longer there.(What a terrible advise Dr. Seuss!). I could stumble all over, do my tantrums like a four year old toddler, scream. But no dad will show up. There will be no dad to answer my queries. 
I lost my dad when i was 13, or maybe i lost him even before he's really gone. I do not know. That would be another story i'm still not ready to discuss. So i am left with no option but to find the answers myself. I took psychology in college, expecting different theorist will answer my queries. Somehow, it gave explanations with my how's and why's. Psychologist's explanations are actually perfect, but i must admit, i'm still not satisfied. At the back of my head, i'm thinking if Dad got a different explanation. And i start missing him. I start wondering how it feels to be in a father's arms once again,. how it feels to listen to a father's advise. I'm dying to hear from him. There was a time when the mere sight of a family create blue atmosphere in me.

I remember when i was a kid, about five or six. During night-time after dinner, i would knock at his bedroom door with a bar of clay in my hands. i would ask him to make something out of it and he would always make me miniatures of farm animals. My dad loves animals. cows, dogs, cats, doves, horses, name it, surely he would love it. He's so fond of taking care of those. and of course, the miniatures were so perfect in my innocent eyes and with my five year old mind then, i thought that when mid night comes. they would come alive.

And now, it's been eight years since i last saw him. but 8 years is never enough to heal the pain. to compensate all the longing and missing. I will always miss him. I will always miss the way he sings the happy birthday song. There is something on the way he sings it that makes one so special.

Well, i may have good explanations about life right now, thanks to all the psychology and self help books, and also with experiences i had. They taught me a lot about life. but i know, one day, i'll meet him again, and one by one, he will explain to me everything. "



>> Sunday, November 15, 2009

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, lay down your golden hair ….

We are all acquainted with this renowned line in Rapunzel’s tale. Well, like many fiction stories, this too, has a deeper gist in it. The story is about being familiar with our own self.

Ok. For the sake of those who already abandoned the love for fairytale, here’s a quick flashback: Rapunzel is a young lady who live locked up in a castle tower, incarcerated by an old witch who incessantly tells her how unsightly she is. One day, a handsome prince passes by the tower and tells Rapunzel of her loveliness. She lets down her golden locks (apparently of some substantial length) so he may climb her hair to rescue her.

But does everyone know that it’s neither the castle nor the witch that has kept Rapunzel a prisoner? It is her pathetic belief of her own ugliness. That’s why when she saw the beauty reflected in the eyes of her prince charming, she realized that she can be set free. She can, only if she wants to.

Sometimes, WE ARE LIKE RAPUNZEL. We let other people define our self-image. We, consciously or subconsciously let their claptrap verdicts and expectations enslave us to such extent of losing our own self-perception. Let us break away from the witches that we have inside us. Each of us has the responsibility to take care of our very precious self. Why do we have to be chained to envy, negative talks, dreadful guilt, criticisms and comparison? Just to please people? Just to remain in that super comfort zone? Oh, please. One of the many paths to experience what they call total liberation is through making room for the scared, and doing ourselves the favor of making the effort. Effort to dwell on the things that scares us to hell. Let us not fool ourselves believing we are ok with the image imposed by other people. Each of us has the unique qualities and what’s good for them may not be good for us, and what’s bad for them may absolutely work for us. We should create our own space and uncover what really matters to us. 
And if you think it’s the prince who saved Rapunzel from the dreadful situation. We’ll I beg to disagree. What unlocked her is her knowing that she is beautiful and worth loving. All the answers that we need in life are just within us. Do not expect others to save us like a knight in shining armour. Another person cannot fill the hole in us if we do not know how to love ourselves.
If we recognize our own worth and constantly remind ourselves that we deserve to be well treated, that is how other people will look at us. SO, CUT YOUR HAIR AND JUMP OUT OF THAT UGLY CASTLE TOWER. NOW.

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