>> Sunday, February 28, 2010

(written 3 years ago, February, 2007)

And it may take some time to patch me up inside. But i can’t take it so I run away and hide…
Thirty five minutes right after midnight: yes, i am humming my fave line, a thing i love doing inside my most loved place in this entirely scary-funny-amazing planet – (guess where?). The moment i press the doorknob’s lock, i feel that i am separated from the harsh reality of the world outside. i find myself a light year away from my fears. i find peace. it gives me a sense of security to dig the deepest part of my humanity, and the fact that i am not just an ordinary specimen of this material world. it is the place, where i come to fashion my finest craft. i can be a dancer. A rock star. A stage actress being applauded by people who i truly love. i sing like there’s no tomorrow. i create the most impossible. i am extra-ordinary. i am loved. i am a princess. For a moment, i see the dead right ME in the dampened mirror. The only place, where i confess my weaknesses, my elucidation. For i know no one’s gonna see me. No eyes will judge me. Nobody can tell me that i am wrong. Here, i AM ALWAYS RIGHT. i cry. i scream. At times, i would hurt myself with a shampoo container, and no one would dare say that i am out of my sanity. i would wipe each piece of marbled tiles. Make it clean, secure all the dirt’s out until it’s so white again, leaving not a single stain. i would bump my head. Feel its coldness. Whimper like a lost child. Play with the water. Embrace myself, until i am all-dry. Sigh in the deepest grin. Close my eyes for a second and unlock myself back to reality. Smell the air fume that nauseate my nostrils, blow dry my hair; spray some Elizabeth Arden green tea from my sister’s closet. Pretend i am happy, that i am contented. Believe that i know what love is. Start deeming again in to fairytales. i am an angel who lost my wings and is saved by a broomstick. i am a witch. And i hate eating apple. by the way, i am in love with deep violet.

well, actually, i guess that  three years gave bundles of inevitable changes. 
the common question then was: WHO'S DEEP VIOLET?
 the question now is: AM I HAPPY WITH WHAT I AM TODAY?


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this is not about who i am.
neither does it matter who you are.
these are the pieces of being FREE.

of loving and being loved
of believing
in fairytales and paradise and dragonflies
and of not believing.
of keeping our FAITH.
of rainbow colored sky and black and white
and everything in between.

thank yous.
we will see each other soon.

hugs and hundreds of ♥,

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