BEFORE FEBRUARY ENDS.

(written 3 years ago, February, 2007)

And it may take some time to patch me up inside. But i can’t take it so I run away and hide…

Thirty five minutes right after midnight: yes, i am humming my fave line, a thing i love doing inside my most loved place in this entirely scary-funny-amazing planet – (guess where?). The moment i press the doorknob’s lock, i feel that i am separated from the harsh reality of the world outside. i find myself a light year away from my fears. i find peace. it gives me a sense of security to dig the deepest part of my humanity, and the fact that i am not just an ordinary specimen of this material world. it is the place, where i come to fashion my finest craft. i can be a dancer. A rock star. A stage actress being applauded by people who i truly love. i sing like there’s no tomorrow. i create the most impossible. i am extra-ordinary. i am loved. i am a princess. For a moment, i see the dead right ME in the dampened mirror. The only place, where i confess my weaknesses, my elucidation. For i know no one’s gonna see me. No eyes will judge me. Nobody can tell me that i am wrong. Here, i AM ALWAYS RIGHT. i cry. i scream. At times, i would hurt myself with a shampoo container, and no one would dare say that i am out of my sanity. i would wipe each piece of marbled tiles. Make it clean, secure all the dirt’s out until it’s so white again, leaving not a single stain. i would bump my head. Feel its coldness. Whimper like a lost child. Play with the water. Embrace myself, until i am all-dry. Sigh in the deepest grin. Close my eyes for a second and unlock myself back to reality. Smell the air fume that nauseate my nostrils, blow dry my hair; spray some Elizabeth Arden green tea from my sister’s closet. Pretend i am happy, that i am contented. Believe that i know what love is. Start deeming again in to fairytales. i am an angel who lost my wings and is saved by a broomstick. i am a witch. And i hate eating apple. by the way, i am in love with deep violet.

well, actually, i guess that  three years gave bundles of inevitable changes. 
the common question then was: WHO'S DEEP VIOLET?
 the question now is: AM I HAPPY WITH WHAT I AM TODAY?