BIRTHDAY PROJECT: postponed due to blustery weather.

 It was the 19^th day of the year 1986. It was dawn. It was a Sunday. For sure, it was cold and breezy. That was all I know about that day. That E-O day.

That was 25 years ago.

And that thought always makes me happy.

Actually, i was into a SILVER BIRTHDAY PROJECT. Everything’s carefully noted. Everything’s well-planned. But at the mid of my being excited, i needed to stop and discontinue the whole thing. Although i was endowed of making other people believe (whenever i want to), it is myself that i can never ever fool. There are things in life that can’t be changed by a crazy birthday project. There are things in life i am neither ready to embrace nor let go.

so here's my birthday status yesterday:

mind status: hopeful

heart status: weary

physical status: exhausted

 or maybe the past 19 days had just been so tiring and pressuring for me. and i know i needed to pause for a while to make something out of my silver year. Some time for myself, maybe.  Days before my birthday, my sister kept on bugging me about what i wanted to do. i so much wanted to tell her to invite people and we’ll party all night.  But i can’t find those words inside my heart.  To be honest, what’s circling in my aching head was to wear some running shoes and dash in wherever lane i can catch, or be somewhere near the sand, where i can feel the sun and taste the seawater and dive over and over and stay under without breathing until i can’t stand anymore. or just simply stand in the rain. Just to make an excuse for my tears to fall. Then i can go back at dinnertime, all nimble and refined, and sip some white wine with friends. 

but my job can't afford that. else i'll feel guilty "imploring for inner peace" while one of my office mates go through the pain of boredom and extra "gastos"  just to fill in for my being absent at work.  that's a no-no.

but today. a day after my birthday and now that i am 25 years and one day old. i want to make sure that every inch of the next 365 days will be in superb mode. well, i don't know how. i just know. maybe because, for the first time in 2011, it is just today that i am not late. maybe because i am loving the french vanilla coffee and fool's garden's lemon tree. and it has been the only music on my background for the whole day. or maybe because fool's garden is now following me on twitter! haha. i just know i'll be happy. 

Oh, thank you to ALL who wished me a happy birthday. Phone calls (sorry for those calls i was not able to answer), text messages, e-mails, fb wall greetings and messages, gifts, and greeting cards are all sweetly appreciated.

 

P.S: i have always believed that birthday is the only time where fairytale exists. it came, just as expected. and you didn't.  i guess, we can never really see each other. cause, far or near, I still CAN’T SEE YOU.