BIRTHDAY PROJECT: postponed due to blustery weather.

 It was the 19^th day of the year 1986. It was dawn. It was a Sunday. For sure, it was cold and breezy. That was all I know about that day. That E-O day.

That was 25 years ago.

And that thought always makes me happy.

Actually, i was into a SILVER BIRTHDAY PROJECT. Everything’s carefully noted. Everything’s well-planned. But at the mid of my being excited, i needed to stop and discontinue the whole thing. Although i was endowed of making other people believe (whenever i want to), it is myself that i can never ever fool. There are things in life that can’t be changed by a crazy birthday project. There are things in life i am neither ready to embrace nor let go.

so here's my birthday status yesterday:

mind status: hopeful

heart status: weary

physical status: exhausted

 or maybe the past 19 days had just been so tiring and pressuring for me. and i know i needed to pause for a while to make something out of my silver year. Some time for myself, maybe.  Days before my birthday, my sister kept on bugging me about what i wanted to do. i so much wanted to tell her to invite people and we’ll party all night.  But i can’t find those words inside my heart.  To be honest, what’s circling in my aching head was to wear some running shoes and dash in wherever lane i can catch, or be somewhere near the sand, where i can feel the sun and taste the seawater and dive over and over and stay under without breathing until i can’t stand anymore. or just simply stand in the rain. Just to make an excuse for my tears to fall. Then i can go back at dinnertime, all nimble and refined, and sip some white wine with friends. 

but my job can't afford that. else i'll feel guilty "imploring for inner peace" while one of my office mates go through the pain of boredom and extra "gastos"  just to fill in for my being absent at work.  that's a no-no.

but today. a day after my birthday and now that i am 25 years and one day old. i want to make sure that every inch of the next 365 days will be in superb mode. well, i don't know how. i just know. maybe because, for the first time in 2011, it is just today that i am not late. maybe because i am loving the french vanilla coffee and fool's garden's lemon tree. and it has been the only music on my background for the whole day. or maybe because fool's garden is now following me on twitter! haha. i just know i'll be happy. 

Oh, thank you to ALL who wished me a happy birthday. Phone calls (sorry for those calls i was not able to answer), text messages, e-mails, fb wall greetings and messages, gifts, and greeting cards are all sweetly appreciated.

 

P.S: i have always believed that birthday is the only time where fairytale exists. it came, just as expected. and you didn't.  i guess, we can never really see each other. cause, far or near, I still CAN’T SEE YOU.

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let me start wishing upon a shooting star.

fireworks over. i heart fireworks. they never fail to mesmerize me. and make me want to kiss. =) the usual scent of the left-over foods give a warm feeling. the gifts, they are all   worth the wait. and the smiles from my nieces and nephews lips, they are lovely in every inch. 

 

 i stared at the first spot of sun on the grass near my feet. and realized that, hey, 19 more days and its gonna be my birthday! and not to give you anymore headache thinking what  my heart is beating for, here are 25 things this petite girl wants to see wrapped in fancy papers and ribboned with glittery silk. =)

1. sitti’s album
2. Neutrogena Fine Fairness UV Compact (i use the beige tone), and toner and moisturizer!
3. Perfume: lacoste yellow or Benetton cold or 3 bottles of Bench Grass Cucumber cedarwood!
4. oil paint
5. 3 pcs canvas
6. a study table
7. scented candles
8. Coelho’s The Fifth Mountain
9. burt’s bees lip balm (or if you can’t find any, body shop’s lip butter will do)
10. a portable sewing machine
11. yoga mat
12. a navy blue or gold belt ( i like the glossy one)
13. calculator
14. clear contact lenses (my vision is 200/200)
15. Coelho’s The Pilgrimage
16. a slice of cheesecake
17. tweezers, earwax cleaner, a cute nail cutter and 3 boxes of blade =)
18. a set of FOOT SPA. (you know i sOoo much LOVE my FEET!)
19. i’ll let you decide here.
20. Gabriel Garcia Marquez’ Chronicle of a Death Foretold
21. Arthur Golden’s Memoirs of Geisha
22. color pencils and a sketch notebook
23. Coelho’s The Devil and Miss Prym
24. a classy wall clock.
25.  P 19,000.00 (or any cash will do!)

 but you know what? it’s okay if you can’t give me any of these items, really. A fervent prayer for my peace of mind and my dear ones’ happiness is more than any material gift would cost! This is just a twist to make a fun birthday project. What my heart truly desires is something that cannot be spoken by the human mouth, it's a project that i already entrusted to HIS will. =)  

P.S. tell me. will i wait for another 100 and who-knows-how-many-more-days and minutes, just like what was written on the paper? or should i let the coming of the first full moon put an end to my weary heart? 

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