happily unattached.

>> Thursday, September 10, 2009

Oh, and never had? How’s your lovelife naman? Ay, may ipapakilala ako sa’yo. ikaw naman kasi, di mo pa pinansin si ganito, si ganun. Huh, BAKIT? (in an almost shouting shock mode). initial reactions i usually get from friends, former classmates, well-meaning relatives, and even people I’ve met for the first time.

Actually, I have never really given much thought about it. Does anyone really need to know the answer to such things. Maybe by fate. Maybe by own choice.

‘Know what? The problem with having a single status in our society is the societal stigma, the eering verdict that one gets because of non-conformity. PLUS, THEY WILL forever PROCLAIM THAT THE raison d'être of your melancholic days IS BOYLESS. Gosh. People can be so mean. Pihikan kasi (kulang na lang sabihin, lakas namn mamili nito, di naman kagandahan) And so what? We have the right and all the right to BE CHOOSY, to choose want we want. Not the type who will grab any testosterone-containing specie who knocks! Tomboy ka ata, eh. Oh goshie! I had lots of not good experience with this one, which I never want to talk about [insert angry face here] but let me clear myself; I have nothing against third sex people. However, please, leave me in peace. Baka panget ang ugali, kaya walang mag-gagusto. Hello? If two people are really hooked in love, I do not think that attitude will still count. Or baka naman meron, tinatago mo lang. Heaven and hell! Can people just stop minding other peoples’ lives? Today, I am just 23. TOO YOUNG. My marrying age is around 30. Although my mother told me that according to her trusted manghuhula, and two other more of the fortunetellers that she consulted, I will not finish my study, because I will get pregnant. Haha, mother. See, I am not in a rush, you know.

But I have to admit. I, once, just like any other girls, had dreamt of being in a fairy tale. I dreamt about having a college boyfriend whom I will dispatch before college graduation comes, experience stuff I see on TV, those were the TGIS and Dawson’s creek days. But soon, I’ve realized that those just exist on TV. It can never happen in real life.

I had crushes and flings, too.

I remember the last time I was broken-hearted. My friend told me that she never thought I could be so vulnerable for love. We’re all in emote mode over a plate of banana split, me sniffing in red eyes and newly cut hair. “hindi ko man lang naranasan na sabihin sa kanya na niloko mo lang ako, pinaasa, how could you do this to me… .. blah blah “ after my melo-drama speech, we all blurted out of laughter.
See. Falling in love is the shallowest part of me. 

I could fall in love. Fall out of love. Get head over heels in love. Get hurt. Be in a super emote mode. Be in flat affect mode. It doesn’t really matter. I feel like I can always twist it around. I like the feeling that it gives me. And I always believe that it’s something I can always control. It’s always a decision. My own decision.
Of course, it’s also a so good feeling to run to someone (who you can actually call yours) after a tiring super busy day, or to be just tucked into someone’s embrace during comfort-seeking days. But whenever I think of strings, I have to shake my head off. Oh no! No additional headache for the mean time. 
It’s not true that I do not have time, I have mastered the art of balancing the responsibilities that came with my life as a student journalist then (when I was still in college), as a friend, and my responsibilities to my family. And I know that I can always insert that in between or somewhere in my life, but the thing is: I value too much of my freedom and privacy. There are things in my life that I do not think other people could understand. And with that, ive learned to love myself much more than I expected. Yes. To the point of becoming a narcissist. And I do not think anyone has the right to love myself more than I do. 

Its not that being in a relationship haven’t crossed my mind. I always believe that I would have fallen inlove with someone equally great. 

But there is no one there right now. And since HE is not yet there, I must say that I AM HAPPILY UNATTACHED.


Olivia Thursday, November 05, 2009 1:47:00 PM  

"PLUS, THEY WILL forever PROCLAIM THAT THE raison d'être of your melancholic days IS BOYLESS."

Yes, people can be mean, whether intentional or not. What you need is single friends who are happy as they are! like me! *hugs*

freefall Monday, January 11, 2010 2:29:00 PM  


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this is not about who i am.
neither does it matter who you are.
these are the pieces of being FREE.

of loving and being loved
of believing
in fairytales and paradise and dragonflies
and of not believing.
of keeping our FAITH.
of rainbow colored sky and black and white
and everything in between.

thank yous.
we will see each other soon.

hugs and hundreds of ♥,

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