happily unattached.
>> Thursday, September 10, 2009
Oh, and never had? How’s your lovelife naman? Ay, may ipapakilala ako sa’yo. ikaw naman kasi, di mo pa pinansin si ganito, si ganun. Huh, BAKIT? (in an almost shouting shock mode). initial reactions i usually get from friends, former classmates, well-meaning relatives, and even people I’ve met for the first time.
Actually, I have never really given much thought to it. Does anyone really need to know the answer to such things? Maybe by fate. Maybe by own choice.
Actually, I have never really given much thought to it. Does anyone really need to know the answer to such things? Maybe by fate. Maybe by own choice.
Here's the thing. The problem with having a single status in our society is the societal stigma - the eering verdict that one gets because of non-conformity. PLUS, THEY WILL forever PROCLAIM THAT THE raison d'être of your melancholic days IS BOYLESS. Gosh. People can be so mean. Pihikan kasi (kulang na lang sabihin, lakas namn mamili nito, di naman kagandahan). And so what? We have the right and all the right to BE CHOOSY, to choose what we want - not the type who will grab any testosterone-containing specie who knocks! Tomboy ka ata, eh. Oh goshie! I had lots of not-good experiences with this one, but let me clear myself; I have nothing against the rainbow community, I actually love them! However, please, leave me in peace. Baka panget ang ugali, kaya walang mag-kagusto. Hello? If two people are really hooked in love, I do not think that attitude will still count. Or baka naman meron, tinatago mo lang. Heaven and hell! Can people just stop minding other peoples’ lives? Today, I am just 23. TOO YOUNG. My marrying age is around 30. Although my mother told me that according to her trusted manghuhula, and two other more of the fortunetellers that she consulted, I will not finish my studies, because I will get pregnant. Haha, mother. See, I am not in a rush, you know.
Some people would say, I might be so focused on my studies and career and might be forgetting to give time for love. It’s not actually true. I have mastered the art of balancing the responsibilities that came with my life as a student journalist then (when I was still in college), my life as an aspiring counselor, as a friend, my passion for arts and food, and my responsibilities to my family. And I know that I can always insert that in between or somewhere in my life, but the thing is: I value too much of my freedom and privacy. There are things in my life that I do not think other people could understand. And with that, I've learned to love myself much more than I expected. There are even days where I do not think anyone has the right to love myself more than I do.
But I have to admit. I, once, just like any other girl, had dreamt of being in a fairy tale. I've dreamt about having a college boyfriend who I will dramatically dispatch before college graduation comes just because we grew apart. Or falling inlove with my bestfriend, or marrying someone from my childhood - please play: "two old friends, meet again, wearing older faces, talked about the places they've been... ". I wanted to experience stuff I see on TV, those were the TGIS and Dawson’s creek days. But soon, I realized that those just exist on TV. It can't always happen in real life.
Yes, I had crushes, and flings, too!
I remember the last time I was broken-hearted - read: unrequited love. My friend told me that she never thought I could be so vulnerable to love. We’re all in emote mode over a plate of banana split, me sniffing in red eyes and newly cut hair. “hindi ko man lang naranasan na sabihin sa kanya na niloko mo lang ako, pinaasa, how could you do this to me… .. blah blah" after my melo-drama speech, we all blurted out of laughter.
See. Falling in love is the funniest part of me.
I could fall in love. Fall out of love. Get head over heels in love (without the guy even knowing about it). Get hurt. Be in a super emote mode. Be in flat affect mode. It doesn’t really matter. I have the feeling that I can always twist it around. I like the feeling that it gives me. And I always believe that it’s something I can always control. It’s always a decision. My own decision.
As you see, it's not that being in a relationship hasn’t crossed my mind. It’s also a good feeling to run to someone (who you can actually call yours) after a tiring super busy day or to be tucked into someone’s embrace during comfort-seeking days. And I always believe that I would have fallen in love with someone equally great - the one the Lord has prepared for me.
But there is no one there right now. And since HE is not yet there, I must say that I AM HAPPILY UNATTACHED.
