to let go of something i've waited, not really for so long, but long enough to create waterworks

>> Saturday, November 1, 2008

One virtue that life taught me is the patience of waiting. Sometimes I am not so patient but I always have my faith with me. Faith is one thing that keeps me going during downtimes.

And I thought when you want something so bad and you believe, the universe will work hard to give it to you, but again, it failed me. When I was in my high school, I dreamt about studying in UP. It was my dream school because it always creates a name of sheerness but for some reasons I don’t remember, I failed to submit my application form. When I finished my collegiate course, I planned to take speech pathology, my dream course, one prominent reason why I liked it so much is because it’s only offered in UP, but because I’m already working, and feel like I already need to earn my own money, I was left with no option but to set it aside.

When I start working as a guidance counselor that requires a master in guidance counseling, I immediately found another chance to study in UP. Aiza and I agreed to pass our application forms and all the requirements they were asking. And we patiently waited. All day. All night. Waiting for the result. I always checked my e-mails, everyday, in hopes they already sent their sycophantic e-mail. I was so damn worried when my phone crashed for they might already be trying to contact us and of course, all the mails coming, I always wished there’s one for me and Aiza.

But nothing. We received nothing.
But still, we patiently waited.

We even had our second thoughts about enrolling in PNU (it’s our second option in case, were not accepted in UP, whichi thought needless, because I wanted to hold onto my faith with UP, but since were both girl scouts, we decided to have Plan B) since they said that once you enroll, the tuition fee will no longer be refundable. But we tried to hold on with our fingers crossed to the last moment.

Come October 29. The day before the last enrollment for PNU, we’re both still undecided to totally enroll the money that we had in the school, we still had our “what if the very next day, UP send us a mail” in our mind. Can we still refund the money?

But everything was answered that night. Around quarter to 12, and my sister reminded me of setting the alarm that I realized I had my phone off. Soon as I turned it on, I received numbers of messages but what shocked and numbed me most was the one coming from Aiza.

Yes. We were waiting for nothing.

All these times, we were just waiting for nothing.

No. neither we failed nor were we accepted. Our papers were not even assessed because one of the staff failed to forward our papers in the admission office. The sad part is, we were not even given the chance.

And yes, I cried.

No. its no ones fault, actually. Aiza and I made our bestest effort. Kuya Allan, for all I know made his fair share to submit our papers right on time. I haven’t thanked him yet but I will once we meet personally. The guy who failed to forward our papers, but I don’t think I can blame him. Everyone commits error, anyways.

Maybe, it’s my own irresponsibility. I was always so dependent. And I am still although I always try to deny it. Maybe, I was really effortless and God needs to see more effort coming from me.

And the very next day, I woke up early to fix myself and met Aiza and the others as if nothing happened between midnight and day break; although I know that we were both sleepless and troubled. WE still headed to PNU to experience the very first enrollment dilemma in our life. I am gonna make a separate article for that.

In the mid of my conversation with Aiza yesterday, I asked, what’s with UP that we find it so hard to enter their gate?

But why didn’t the universe answered me after all? Why didn’t God move the universe so we can finally enter our dream school? I remember what I texted Aiza that night, “it’s ok maybe it’s not really meant for us; we’ll try harder next sem. Smile.”

We made our effort, but maybe it’s not really something that’s right for us and for God to protect us, He moved the universe to save us.


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this is not about who i am.
neither does it matter who you are.
these are the pieces of being FREE.

of loving and being loved
of believing
in fairytales and paradise and dragonflies
and of not believing.
of keeping our FAITH.
of rainbow colored sky and black and white
and everything in between.

thank yous.
we will see each other soon.

hugs and hundreds of ♥,

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