the color of skittles and you

i am pretending. and i know i am. i'm hiding behind the colors of berry flavored skittles - i missed it - and happy to have it around now. But it doesn't compensate the confusion i'm having right this moment. the intricate feeling that kept on bothering me for nights and for days ever since... i do not know. i have no idea when did this idea start. i just remember once, i heard your voice over the phone, we're just a ruler or two away from each other .. and the voice bugged me. but i tried to get over it. i told so firmly to myself that i cannot entertain such feelings. i forgot everything about the voice. i forgot about that "one day kind of weird feeling" i got from hearing your voice. but just one day . . . just one so much ordinary day - the idea of you started confusing me again. i have to tell you that i hate it. even, the color of your shirt. Even for the very first time i'd notice that there's already something different. i want to pretend that all is normal. that, everything is just the same. i do not like this feeling. if i only have a choice, i'd rather run away. i'd rather choose to make things simpler. to just forget about this stupidity. But it's not that simple.

"what do you want me to do?" is the question that has been running in my head since day one. wow.is there really such stuff in here as day one?

day one... was that the time when you gave me a kfc brownies?

or the day when you first held my hand under the heat of the mid-day sun?

or that pinky day that i caught you looking at me?

when did day one happen? or did it ever happen?

i am afraid. i don't wanna fall into someone who doesn't seem to find his way around. i dont want to let myself fall and just be left alone once you realized that you changed your mind, that you don't like this anymore. i do not know what exactly i'm feeling right now. but i'm getting too involved that i'm having the hardest time knowing where i really have to stand.